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I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
You know nothing about a woman until she`s drunk and mad at you
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team