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It`s so hard to find obedient minions
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.