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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won`t need to adjust her driving.
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”