Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."