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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
Sometimes it would be nice if the world had an off switch.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.