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Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.