Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point
All I need right now is a hug ... And five hundred thousand dollars in cash.