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my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.”
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.