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I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
I haven`t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn`t want to interrupt her.
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.