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I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.