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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
I have a feeling my dying words will be "Honey, I was just joking."
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
If u think I talk to much, just let me know. We can talk about it!
My life is a very complicated drinking game
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
I need more people like me in my life
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.