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No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)