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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
Always be yourself, unless you suck…and if you suck you should try being more like me.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”