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I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks Iām not reading it.
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.