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When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the person wearing pajamas in public is doing.
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
Find someone you`re good at.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.