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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!