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My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.