Daily Silly Status

I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.

60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..

Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain

I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here

I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.

I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life

If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.

I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.

My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.

On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.

If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."

Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL

Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.

Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.