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If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.