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I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
I love secretly placing a deck of cards on top of someones ceiling fan.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.