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Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.