Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
“Are you completely sure this isn’t textable?” -the perfect voicemail prompt.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm