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Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
Never judge a book by it`s movie.
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked.
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.