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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
Bored, so Iām going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him Iām him from the future.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.