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The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
It`s not that I like watching midget porn, it`s just that my phone screen is too small to watch regular porn.
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.