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Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
It’s never too late for a coffee. After all it’s always morning somewhere in the world.
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...