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I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.