Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
In theory, sex should be grosser than letting someone borrow your toothbrush, but it`s not.
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
It`s not that I like watching midget porn, it`s just that my phone screen is too small to watch regular porn.
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.