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Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside