Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
Match dot com, but for socks.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it