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cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
My innocent look never works in the nude.
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.