Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
Life`s tough. It`s tougher if you`re stupid...
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?