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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
The fox says you need to stop.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
drinks well with others.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.