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I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
he who laughs last thinks slow
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
for every like, I will fart on my wife face
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.