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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.