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I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
Dear Cashier: Stop giving me attitude and acting like your job is so complicated and stressful. Self-Checkout has proven that you are really unnecessary.
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.