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I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.