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I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list