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This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn`t affect the price of Vodka!
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.