Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the sh!t out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
Iām on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.