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Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.