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Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.