Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.