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like this if you are against animal cruelty
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
Looking back, it was a good thing I was too wasted to fire up the chainsaw.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.