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If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.