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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
My wife keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewelry ads circled. I got the hint. For Valentine`s Day she’s getting a magazine rack
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.