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Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin