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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.