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That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
Life is fun! You should get one.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.