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Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...