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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.