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How is it possible that we have one hand that can do everything while the other hand is all, “I can’t even hold a pencil”?
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back in my toy chest..
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.