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I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
Valentines day
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
Don`t waste my timeline.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.