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Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
If I could just make one thing very clear at this point ... I would.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.