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I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI
FYI: You have to stop Facebook posting to have an alibi for ignoring texts.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.