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You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."