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If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.