Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
My new home security sign : "EBOLA QUARANTINE" - Deters salesman, thieves, and neighbors.
I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.