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Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.