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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
What idiot called it the toaster and not the tanning bread?
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.