Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
Why is that in girls tampon commercials they dance and laugh? Shouldn`t they be revving chainsaws and burning sh!t down?
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
According to this BMI chart ... I am to short.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
To all my ex girlfriends. Don`t worry. I`m still an asshole.
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f`ing Mayans better be right…